I have to agree with Boule'tard, redo the house and make it your's. It is a project that should get your juices flowing again. How about getting a dog  or a cat for company. A pet beats the heck out of coming home to a empty house. Healing takes time

Perry:
First off my sympathy goes out to you. I can't imagine how low you must feel over this.
Second, this forum has again impressed me on how well it's members respond to a fellow who needs someone to discuss a life wrenching situation.
Third, me 2 cents:
Keep busy on things you need to do and want to do. You love biking so go for it. It is now your life without someone holding you back. Get out and live it the the best you can.

Perry, I do not know you well enough to give advice. I am a man. Men want to fix you and move on. (Not a bad thing, but pretty rough.) Notice the women repeat your problems and actually feel your pain. No offense to the men, because they have given some great ideas. They just didn't get to know you first. Us men just think we are mostly alike and our idea will work for you because it worked for us or someone we know. I am Type II Bi-polar and have been a support group facilitator. You will suffer some of the same symptoms and disorder of the mentally ill. My advice is to hang tough and get some professional outside help. This can usually had for free on a weekly basis in a support group. We are here for you. The fact that you asked is GREAT. You want to go on and figure this out. Keep asking and choose carefully from our "fixes". When you get a backlash in a fishing reel, you start picking around the edges. You can't dive into the middle, but, rather you slowly work from the edges to the inside. The huge problem you start with slowly begins to get smaller. One thing that is very effective in support groups where we know the person on a personal basis is much like dignosing an engine problem. We make a list with pen and paper of what might help you. 10-20 things. Then pick out the ones that actually seem doable at this time. Move slowly. You are grieving. Success will come. You are grieving VERY much like one who has lost someone to death. The very least time to get better from that is about a year for most. Suzuki guys and girls, I hope you see what I mean. No disrespect. You have great ideas, but we can't fix Perry--we can be here for him. Our ideas give him a broad range of solutions. He just has to pick some and try them, but eye to eye contact with someone who can be there for him would be great if he can arrange it. Perry, get on the net and type in support groups for your area. It is amazing to see people change in as little as two sessions...not by talking, but just listening to others with the same problems. I don't know it all, but I am speaking from experience in helping those who hurt. And it does hurt. You have a big problem, but there is even bigger help out there. You have started right. You don't blame, you're not trying to be right or get even. You have the right attitude. You can do it.  Boofer    

I don't think Boofer was hard on anyone.  We all know that there will be many suggestions... that's the point!  I personally think "therapy" only works if the person believes in it.  I have seen it work for others, but don't really believe in it for me, so I never tried it.  This place is about as close as I get to therapy. LOL   Perry, you have to figure out what works for you.  Ideas are just a place to start.  Maybe someone will bring up something you hadn't thought of.  Maybe you can try something new.  Something you've maybe wanted to do but the ex didn't like, or wouldn't do with you.  That's a possible way to meet someone that you wouldn't otherwise have had the chance to meet.  

Personally, I loved going to Lowe's when I was single.    

Perry,
  Sorry for the loneliness.  I didn't get married till I was 34.  I worked off-shift for many years and that sort makes dating hard.  I had many lonely Christmas mornings.   But, always went to "family" at Holidays.    Brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles,  etc etc.....  

There is some good advice about redecorating the house.  Make a nice "man-cave" in there somewhere.  Only advice I would give is keep your daughters rooms untouched.  (I thought you were the one that had an adopted child too??????)  Maybe throw a twin bed in there but that's it.   It sort of keeps it theirs.

Does the daughter know the whole story?  If not, I would suggest that you have someone else tell her.   Coming from you might get the story twisted in her mind.

As for your social life......  Join a local club.  Maybe one of the service clubs like the "Lions" or some other volunteering organization.  Or, maybe a motorcycle club.

Good Luck,

T Mack.

Perry,
I am glad for you that you are able to open up about such a painful experience.  I am surprised at the number of similar stories out there, I too went there and have the T shirt..........

Yes, it is a grieving process, and an actual death might be easier to deal with because this was a selfish, concsious choice on her part to break up your family.  Time does help, I read that it takes 1 month/year of relationship to get over a breakup, your mileage may vary.  I learned a lot about myself and did some growing also.  I think the best thing I got out of it was an improved relationship with my kids.  My daughter wrote me a letter saying I was a good dad before but was a better dad after.   That doesn't make it all better, but it was something positive out of it.  Focus on improving your relationship with your daughters, they know you and even though they are older, they still need the stability that only you can provide, since your ex only seems to be concerned with herself.

You may never get closure from her, I know I beat myself up a lot because of the things i did or did not do, I was not the perfect spouse, but neither was she.  We did the best we knew how to.  Ultimately, love is a choice and she chose not to.  

Take what you learn from this and you can become a better man.
It is good to do things for yourself, but doing things for others is far more rewarding.  Try some volunteer work, I got more active in Church and my kids.

Stay strong, we are here for you.

I guess I'll check in late -- you have my sympathy, Perry.

There's not a lot to be said that hasn't already, so keep your head held high, take some time to grieve and to heal, and take solace that sometimes the relationship dies before one of the participants.

Be strong, and you will come out of this in decent shape.

That part all depends on the child, I think.  Age, maturity, involvement, and how they will handle it come into play.  Tell them only what you think they can handle.  AND how the other half is going to talk to them about it too, is a factor.  Everyone has the right to defend themselves if someone else is trashing them.  DO WHAT'S BEST FOR THE CHILD.  No matter how hard.  My current husband will occasionally say something bad about his ex to their kids.  As much as I despise that wicked b!tch, I still caution him to not do that.  The kids are older now, and understand, and know how she is anyway, but its still not good.  I don't think Perry is in that boat, luckily.