...

A 60-year-old man went to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor told him, "You're in terrific shape. There's nothing wrong with you. Why, you might live forever. You have the body of a 35 year old. By the way, how old was your father when he died?"

The 60 year old responded, "Who said he was dead?"

The doctor was surprised and asked, "How old is he and is he very active?"

The 60 year old responded, "Well, he is 82 years old and he still goes skiing three times a season and surfing three times a week during the summer."

The doctor couldn't believe it. "Well, how old was your grandfather when he died?"
The 60 year old responded again, "Who said he was dead?"

The doctor was astonished. He said, "You mean to tell me you are 60 years old and both your father and your grandfather are alive? Is your grandfather very active?"

The 60 year old said, "He goes skiing at least once a season and surfing once a week during the summer. Not only that," said the patient, "my grandfather is 106 years old, and next week he is getting married again."

The doctor said, "At 106 years old, why on earth would your grandfather want to get married?"

His patient looked up at the doctor and said, "Who said he wanted to?"

A seventy year old man had just finished his examination when the doctor came back with a strange look on his face. "Ralph" he said, "Everything else looks good, but why in the world are you putting suppositories in your ear? What were you thinking?" Without saying a word, the old fellow just shakes his head and picks up his cell phone and says into the receiver..."Hello Martha, you can stop looking for my hearing aid, I've got a feeling I know where it is..."

Thanks a bunch for the laughs.  I needed it on this dreary Monday.

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A sexually active older woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were too loose and floppy. Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed. Awakening from the anaesthesia after the surgery she found 3 roses carefully placed beside her on the bed. Outraged, she immediately calls in the doctor. 'I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!' The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him: 'I felt sad because you went through this all by yourself.' 'The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and understood because she had the same procedure done some time ago.' 'And what about the third rose?' she asked. "That's from a man upstairs in the burns unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears."

Jake is 79 years old and hard of hearing .He takes his wife along with him to the doctors for a checkup. The doctor comes in and says to him ,I'll need a urine sample ,a stool sample and a semen sample . Jake turns to his wife and asks ,what'd he say? She says to Jake ,He wants your underwear!

A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding
anniversary. On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks
if he's getting sentimental because they're celebrating 50 wonderful
years together. He replies, "No, I was thinking about the time before
we got married. Your father threatened me with a shotgun and said
he'd have me thrown in jail for 50 years if I didn't marry you.
Tomorrow I would've been a free man!"