Happy Thanksgiving!

A gas station owner in downtown was trying to increase his sales. He put up a sign that read, "Free Sex with Fill-Up."

Soon Harry pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from one to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.

Harry guessed eight, and the proprietor said, "‘you were close. The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time."




A week later, Harry, along with his friend Jack, pulled in for another
fill-up. Again, he asked for his free sex.

The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the
correct number. Harry guessed two this time. The proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3.
You were close, but no free sex this time."

As they were driving away, Jack said to Harry, "Me thinks that game is rigged and no one wins any free sex."

Harry replied, "Not so, Jack. It is not rigged.
My wife won three times last week."


A jet is making its final approach into St. John's Airport .

The pilot comes on the intercom and announces, "Ladies and
gentlemen, this is your Captain.
We're on our final descent into St. John's Newfoundland . I
want to thank you all for flying with us today and hope you
enjoy your stay on "the ROCK.""

He forgets to switch off the intercom. Now the whole plane
can hear his conversation from the cockpit.

The co-pilot can be heard saying to the pilot, "So, Skip,
whatcha got planned while we're on the Rock?"

"Well," says the skipper, "first I'm gonna check into the
hotel, take a big crap, then I'm gonna take that new
stewardess with the huge tits out for dinner. I'm gonna
wine and dine her, take her back to my room and give her a
ride on the baloney pony all night long."

Aghast and amused, everyone on the plane hears this and
immediately begins looking up and down the aisle, trying to
figure out who this new stewardess is that the pilot's
talking about.

Meanwhile, the new stewardess is seated at the very back of
the plane. She is so embarrassed that she starts running
toward the cockpit to turn the intercom off. Halfway down
the aisle, she trips over an old lady's bag and down she
goes flat on her face in the isle.

The old lady leans over and says, "No need to hurry, dear
...He's gotta land the plane and take a nuts first."

justin_o_guy2 wrote on 12/01/13 at 11:39:44:


I'ma thinkin' sama way JOG!!!

arteacher wrote on 12/01/13 at 10:44:57:


"take a nuts"?

   1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

   2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country

   3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country, and who are very good at crossword puzzles.

   4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.

   5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could find the time, and if they didn't have to leave Southern California to do it.

   6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the
country and did a poor job of it, thank you very much.

   7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.

   8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who is running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.

   9. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country, but need the baseball scores.

   10. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure if
there is a country or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all
that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are
handicapped, minority, feminist, atheist dwarfs who also happen to be
illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy, provided of course, that
they are not Republicans.

   11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the
grocery store.

   12. The Tampa Bay Times is read by people who have recently caught a fish and need something to wrap it in.

An Australian poetry competition held in the Sydney opera house had come down to two finalists, an university graduate and an old aboriginal. They were given a word and had two minutes to study the word and come up with a short four line poem that contained the word. The word they were given was TIMBUKTU.
First to recite his poem was the university graduate ,he stepped to the microphone and said,
SLOWLY ACROSS THE DESERT SAND
TREKKED A LONELY CARAVAN
MEN ON CAMELS TWO BY TWO
DESTINATION -TIMBUKTU

The crowd went crazy, no way the old aboriginal could top that they thought,
the aboriginal calmly made his way to the microphone and recited

ME AND TIM A HUNTIN" WENT
MET THREE WHORES IN A POP UP TENT
THEY WERE THREE AND WE WERE TWO
SO I BUCKED ONE , AND TIMBUKTU

......the aboriginal won.

Smart dog
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?feature=player_detailpage&v=fybch3DX8c8

Believe it or not, my grandfather actually did something similar. He made a bunch of piles of dog do out of cement and painted them up to look real, placed them around the yard, attached a good hefty chain to an eyelet by the back door along with a big dog food dish and scratched up the door to a height of 4', and put up a beware of dog sign.
Even though he lived in a very private spot in a high crime area, not easily seen by nieghbours, he was never broken into.