I was so cold, I had to use, 'Starting Fluid', in the outhouse.

It was so hot, I saw a log chain, crawl into the shade.

It was so wet, I saw a squirrel, floating by on his nuts.

''He is, tighter, than a bulls azz in fly time".

ouch!

My old boss used to say "tight as a fishes tit".
If he was thirsty, "dry as a limeburners boot".

Homographs are words of like spelling but with more than one meaning. A homograph that is also pronounced differently is a heteronym.

(continued from last week)

The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

They were too close to the door to close it.

The buck does funny things when the does are present.

A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear..

I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?


For a cool coupla pictures and stuff to think about


http://www.realityzone.com/currentperiod.html

We all know a 'group' of something, is another word.

Like:  Fish - School, Birds - Flock, etc.

It is hilarious, that a, 'group', of Baboons is called a, 'Congress" !

Viagra don't work
when I tried it, it got stuck in my throat and I hand a stiff neck for four hours

A drunk man was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg.
"Please God," he thought. "Let it be blood!"


_____________________________________________________________



Helisoft


A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.

"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."

Three guys were driving across the desert.
Suddenly, the car just stopped.
One said: “I am a Fluid Engineer, I’ll get it running again”.
He checked EVERYTHING over, and the car would not start.
The next said: “I am a Electrical Engineer, I’ll get it running again”
He checked EVERYTHING over, and the car would not start.

The third said:  “Well I am a software engineer, lets close all the windows”
And The Car Started.

OBTW, it was so windy here yesterday,
ya couldn’t even haul rocks.